Girls over at Pink Visual dance it up at the Expo. All photos and writings by CCF. Copyrighted by PollyStaffle.com
6 a.m. – Go to bed so I can make it to the first day of the AVN Adult Entrainment Expo. It starts in four hours.
8 a.m. – Alarm goes off. Rise and shine. Ah… Had a good night of sleep. I’m planning on it just being half a day for me, so I should function fine. This is my first time attending the event. I have no idea what to expect. I have no interviews scheduled, so I’m just going to get my feet wet and bail at noon.
8:30 a.m. – I tell my girlfriend I love her and kiss her goodbye. I also explain that I will be on my best behavior and that I will act as though I’m a gay male for the day. I’m just going to the Expo for the readers of my website. I will find no pleasure in seeing and photographing porn stars. She asks why don’t I just attend the GayVN Expo if that’s the case. “Oh, look at the time. The ribbon cutting with Jenna Jameson is at 10 a.m. I gotta go,” I respond and head out on my way to the heart of Sin City.
9:11 a.m. – I arrive to the vicinity of the Sands Expo Center. Traffic is horrible. The Consumer Electronic Show is going on at the same time at the same place. There’s construction right out front. “Where the hell do I park?”
9:30 a.m. – After parking at The Venetian and walking my ass close to two miles down Las Vegas Boulevard and down Sands, I arrive at the right place. Seems to be a lot of cops outside. They must be busting underagers trying to sneak a peak or perhaps they think putting a handful of sex symbols in a room with a bunch of perverts is a bad idea. Doesn’t matter, unless I get billyclubbed. “Looks like I got just enough time to pick up my badge and see Jenna and her girls,” I thought. Boy, was I wrong.
10:07 a.m. – The press room is a strange place. I’m just now leaving and heading upstairs to Hall A. This is where Jenna is supposed to be. Perhaps the ribbon cutting ran behind. The Expo is split among two halls and is said to have somewhere around 340 companies of the adult entertainment world represented. Since I’m not hanging around that long today, I’ll hit up Hall G tomorrow. Well, missed the ribbon cutting it seems. Oh well, Jenna Jameson is overrated anyway. Okay, now let me back up and tell you about when I came to the realization that once you enter the expo, you’re basically transported to a completely different world. I walk into the press room and get in the “line” that seems to be going in 20 different directions to pick up my badge. There are two women that I estimate are in their 60’s trying to figure out how to work the computers in front of them to print the badges as people check in. “Is this what happens to porn stars as they lose their looks,” I ask myself. Standing in front of me is an Asian woman with her breasts hanging out. She’s not in line, but is giving an interview in some language other than English to a camera crew. I scan the back of the room and huge screens show pornographic clips. No one flinches. No even seems to notice or care. “Oh this is going to be a fun week,” I sense.
Disneyland for grown men.
10:08 a.m. – But things only get better. Basically, this place is Disneyland for grown men. Its one big warehouse room with nothing but booths dedicated to porn, sex, sex toys and other things. No matter where you turn there are not only images of scantly clad, half naked, fully nude and penetrated hot chicks on posters and TV screens, but there are real life porn stars, sitting there, posing, jiggling, dancing, autographing and giving freaks the time of day they never would in real life. Even though fans have to pay $75 a day or $160 for three days, I’m slowly starting to see why 29,000 people showed up to this event last year.
Right off the bat, I hit up the booth for Wicked Pictures, which received 102 nominations for the AVN Awards. Not to sound gay, but I was actually disappointed to see the King of Porn Features filmmaker/actor Brad Armstrong is not scheduled for the expo. Seriously, the guy’s the Martin Scorsese of porn. His three films “Manhunters,” “Curse Eternal,” and “Fuck” combine for over 50 nominations this year. I guess I’ll have to settle for Stormy Daniels and Armstrong’s date for the award show – Jessica Drake. There’s already a line, but it’s short. Nominated for eight awards and host of the show, Drake said she was “really stoked about the whole show.”
10:15 a.m. – I wander around a bit and meet Micha Moore of Hundies. She is signing nude photos of herself, while images of her films play in the background. Moore tells me she thinks the expo is “tantalizing” and to my surprise she is a virgin… er… I mean, new to the event. “This is my first time so I am really excited,” Moore said. “I want to go and party but I don’t want to wake up with bags under my eyes.”
10:25 a.m. – Jayden Jaymes is at the Exquiste booth. When asked what she thought of the event, she said, “I love it. There’s ass and titties everywhere. I absolutely love it.”
10:28 a.m. – Trina Michaels signs posters of herself in a doggy style pose and mingles with attendees. She will be turning 24 on award’s night. “I’m up for a couple of awards so it’d be a hell of a birthday present.” Michaels is nominated twice for the same scene - best anal and group - for her “acting” with Sean Michaels and Mr. Marcus in Armstrong’s “Fuck.” “I love that scene,” Michaels said. “I’ve never felt like a princess until that day. I was decked out in diamonds, a big fur jacket and we had these Doberman’s. It was a lot of fun.”
10:35 a.m. – The first pair of real breasts are flashed. I’m not sure who she is, but it’s some chick for Anabolic Digital. Things happen so fast.
10:38 a.m. – Another pair of breasts are flashed as Ashley Jensen takes time off from autographing images of her face covered in semen, to wow the crowd. Wait, now another chick is joining in – Whitney Stevens. She lifts up her shirt… Now Ashley is licking her breasts. Enough already. Can’t these two stars of “Teens with Tits #8” stop this madness and sign my Anabolic Digital calendar. No one on the internet wants to see pictures of these girls playing with each other. But I, on the other hand, need a calendar. I need to know what the date is each and every day.
Whitney Stevens and Ashley Jensen get freaky. Sorry guys, this is as unscensored as it is going to get. PollyStaffle.com is a family site.
10:45 a.m. – Hmmmm… Sexy mannequins. What the hell is this about? Okay, snap a photo… Hope no one sees. Run to the next booth.
10:46 a.m. – Getting even weirder. Am I the only one that thinks machines with long spears thrusting back and forth with fake penises on the end are just wrong? Does it get more insane than this?
11 a.m. – Never mind. I guess it does. Little action figures in a dollhouse depicting S&M scenes… Okay. The scenes are said to include, “bondage, edge play, pony play, candle wax, vibrators, water sports, medical play and foreign object insertion.” Next!
11:01 a.m. – This looks interesting – a new production company specializing in high-end hardcore movies – Pulpo. The clips of one of their upcoming films - “Dolores of My Heart” - make it seem like it has a film noir vibe to it. Star Shy Love tells me the movies of Pulpo are “kind of Andrew Blake-ish.”
11:10 a.m. – Meet Lara Terstenjak and Nadine Gary of Clitoraid. I have a nice chat with Lara, who literally gives the shirt off her back for the organization, which has the purpose of helping to rebuild the clitoris of mutilated women. I’ll go more into details about them at a later date.
11:25 a.m. - I am handed a small book that says “Jesus Loves Porn Stars” on the cover. I’m not sure what to make of it at first. Is it a joke? No, the man is Pastor J.R. Mahon of www.xxxchurch.com. I have a nice chat with him on what his anti-porn group is all about. “Are you here all week?” he asks. “Let me buy you lunch one of these days.” I’m not sure if it is my Jesus hair or the fact I’m probably one of the few people to treat J.R. decently at the event, but it seems I have made a friend. I wonder if he’ll like PollyStaffle.com? Doesn’t matter. I will also have more on him at a later time.
If you squint and look real close, you can see the great blonde hype of porn.
Noon – Okay, by noon I’ve made myself over to where the great overrated Jenna Jameson is or as I like to call her, the Oprah of triple-X. There is a line. A long line. Not only that, everything is so roped off you can’t even do a walk-by shooting to get a photo of her signing. Who does she think she is, Britney Spears? She’s got the biggest booth – not quite the size of her ego, but… This is also the first here I’ve seen with security trolling around with walkie-talkies and their own personal photographers. Is there a metal detector around here too? She’s signing like 20 items per person, but still seems very detached from her fans. This is the sterile expo I expected. I can just read Jenna’s thoughts, “Don’t touch me. You are too close.” Guess she doesn’t like creepy men that masturbate to her movies. I decide to get in line. En route to Club Jenna, I’ve snapped a few photos and picked up a few things. (Insert own STD joke here.) Let’s see I got a pair of chopsticks advertising the Adult Treasure Expo in Japan. I’ve also got a paper fan advertising for a website that promises to have “the hottest starlets in the naughtiest costumes,” but some dude gave it to me. In fact there were only two guys at the booth – no females. Not sure I trust the promo of a company that promises hot starlets, but can’t pay a lady to sit and pass out items. I also saw Harmony Rose and Sasha Grey, who signs “the fuck junkie” after her name. Oh and a menu from Pahrump’s Chicken Ranch. By the way, there are no prices on this thing. Entrees include straight lay, half and half, reversed half and half, two girls show, two girl party, vibrator party and fantasy session. What a gyp. No anal. No pony show. No drive through. No pickup. Also, the menu points out, and this is important, a two girl show is “two ladies perform with each other while the man watches” and two girl party is “two ladies attending to the man.” Not sure if you can get a two girl show and a two girl party at the same time or not. Did I mention women that looked like they were elementary school cafeteria workers gave me the menu?
12:15 p.m. – The Jenna line hasn’t moved. As with theme parks, I don’t mind waiting in long lines as long as the ride is worth it. But this is Jenna Jameson, not Michael Jackson. By the way, since he’s like living here and trying to get a show together on The Strip, do you think Jacko will drop in on the expo to try and toughen up his image some? Back to Jenna… Did I say she’s the most overrated porn star ever yet? Hey, look, there’s Jesse Jane mingling with the crowd. Screw Jenna. Jesse looks pretty good. I said in my review of “Pirates” that she looked like Daisy Duck. Not so much now. Maybe she had her lips reduced when she got her breasts redone recently. Anyway, “Pirates 2” is coming soon.
12:25 p.m. – As I head to the exit, I spot the Hustler booth. Larry Flynt will be here the next three days. For now, Joanna Angel and Mya Luanna. Joanna tell me she’s having a lot of fun at the event. “I think a lot of my fans kind of just know me as this ‘thing’ in movies,” she said. “It’s really nice to get to meet people face to face. I love it.” Mya is promoting her new film “Kill Jill,” which just came out. It’s loaded with martial arts she tells me, “I fight with swords, bamboo sticks and I fight myself.” I can’t help but ask, “Any nude fight scenes in it?” She replies, “It’s all nude. There’s lots of fighting and sex. It’s fun.”
12:30 p.m. – Well, that wraps up day one. Everything seemed to happen in fast motion like I was a high school football player in an NFL game. Today was my training day. Tomorrow the wheels come off. Actually, I’ll probably be way more of a slacker from here on out. By the way, I took about 150 photos today, so expect more soon. This is just a glimpse.
- CCF, January 2007