DAY 2

TIT-FOR-TAT

Retail area at AVN Expo.

1:10 p.m. – I caught up on some sleep, so I’m just now clocking in at the AVN Expo. I’ve been trying to secure some interviews. I don’t want to just get the quick fluff stuff I got the day before. I want to do at least a decent Q&A or two that tries to get to the real person behind all the smoke and mirrors of the industry. Initially I had heard Mary Carey was going to be here, so I was hoping to get inside her pants… I mean head, but she’s not coming. I’ve talked to three different PR contacts. I’ve been turned down by Larry Flynt’s people and have heard little from the other two but perhaps I can work something out before the event is over and talk to someone. In the meantime, I have gotten myself into trouble at the pressroom. Yesterday when I picked up my badge I was given a wrist band. They said don’t take it off. I didn’t know they meant for the full four days. They tell me too many people were swapping badges in previous years, so they came up with the wrist bands as a new way to prevent that sort of thing from happening. Regardless, they do not check my ID and then give me a new wrist band. Lucky for them I wasn’t an identity thieving terrorist who hated smut.

1:15 p.m. – I head to Hall G. This is where the novelty items are. No porn stars. No loud music in every direction. Not much of anything in your face. If the halls had theme songs, the upstairs Hall A would be Lords of Acid’s “Spank My Booty.” Club Jenna being the one exception with MC Hammer’s “You Can’t Touch This (Even Though I’ve Been Manhandled By More People Than You’ve Met In Your Lifetime Remix)” playing. Hall G is more Foghat’s “Slow Ride.” The bulk of the hall’s space is taken up by a “business to business” section that is only open to trade and press. I walk through the B2B Marketplace briefly. I have an interview with the inventor of the OhMiBod vibrator, which hooks up to your iPod, in this area tomorrow, so I decide to check out the retail section.

Stunt Woman Jewels dressed as a she devil.

1:20 p.m. – I meet the Devil. Well, actually, it’s Julia Gallegos from Albuquerque, New Mexico dressed in a devil outfit. She is manning a booth hocking shirts similar to those sold by Hot Topic or Torrid called Kaos Market. She seems bored at first, but also happy to see someone on the normal side when I approach her. When I ask for Julia’s reaction of the expo, she first just says, “Woah!” She appears to be still recovering from the day before’s initial shock. “Everybody’s crazy,” Julia says. This coming from someone whose other gig back home is being a stunt girl for a rock radio station. She’s known as Stunt Woman Jewels on 104.7 The Edge. She says the morning show DJ’s make her do “stupid horrible” and “gross things.” “It’s fun though,’ Julia says. Once she was maced and had a bad reaction to it that made all of her skin blister. “I couldn’t see for a few days,” Julia says. “They put me in the hospital.” Back to the topic of the expo, Julia shares her brushes with celebrities. “I met Ron Jeremy,” Julia says. “He’s like grabbing my ass and I’m like, ‘Just because you’re Ron Jeremy you can’t touch me, you weirdo.’” She also met the man behind Screech of “Saved By the Bell.” The low-grade celebrity recently declared bankruptcy and then had a sex tape surface featuring him in a threesome. “I took a picture with him,” Julia says. “That was funny. I didn’t know his name, so I’m like, ‘Screech!’ He’s all, ‘I’m Dustin Diamond.’” Julia was also mistaken as being a porn star. “I guess because of the devil outfit,” Julia says. “So I was taking pictures with everybody. The girls, when you are taking a picture with them, they are like, ‘Grab my tits.’ And I’m like, ‘Ohhh-kay.’ I never had felt a fake one before. Now I have. It was real hard.”

The Holly & Molly Show.

1:30 p.m. – Hall G kind of reminds me of being at the fair. You know the place you would go and wonder around to get out of the sun. To give you an example of the contrast in the upstairs area vs. where I am: There are no TV screens showing uncut pornographic scenes. Most show snippets that do not involve penetration. Others such as a 3D booth in the B2B Marketplace have genitals blurred during segments of sex acts. I make my way to a booth in the retail area for International Video Distribution. Never heard of them? Actually, you have. They are the top seller of mature DVDs as they distribute “Girls Gone Wild.” Blondes Molly Shea and Holly Huzzlexton pass out mints promoting “GGW.” Though they are wearing sheer lingerie, Molly and Holly have tape over their nipples – again showing the huge contrast between downstairs and upstairs.

Home Grown booty.

1:44 p.m. – Back upstairs I go. Larry Flynt will be arriving soon. There is a pretty big line, so I make my way in front of the booth to take photos over the top of other press photographers heads. The Hustler girls – Joanna Angel, Memphis Monroe, Nikki Nine and Mya Luanna - come out to warm up the crowd up. They toss shirts into the audience and then Memphis starts screaming something about “free pussy.” Don’t get too excited, it is just a manmade replica of her vagina, but someone in the mob gets to go home with it. It could have made a good “white elephant” gift I suppose, but I walked away empty handed. A girl wearing booty shorts that read “Home Grown” walks through the crowd handing out sampler DVDs. It isn’t homegrown stuff of the “Bumfights” variety, but is definitely playing off that idea. One release promoted on the back cover is “Backyard Amateurs.” There’s also a contact to earn cash for your homemade sex videos. Email Stefanie@homegrownvideo.com for information.

Larry Flynt.

2 p.m. – Larry Flynt arrives on time in his gold wheelchair. He doesn’t really seem to know what’s going on or where he is. People with cameras horde the front of the booth and scream his name for him to look their way. He just kind of looks lost and is pretty much non- responsive. I decide to come back the next day in hopes of getting in line early to get a decent photo, an autograph for my girlfriend and a few words with the freedom fighter.

2:10 p.m. – I spot an area featuring faux bedrooms with actual beds. Jezebelle Bond is standing in one of the rooms alone. I approach her and ask what the bed’s are all about. She explains it is promoting Naughty America, which is reality porn or as she says, “the stuff you really dream about.” I ask if fans ever get too excited when they spot a porn star standing in front of a real bed and she responds: “No, they just want to sit on the bed, take a picture with you or have you sit on the bed, so they can take a picture. Nothing too crazy.” I ask if anybody has gotten too out of hand. “No not yet,” Jezebelle responds. “I’ll put them in their place.” This is Jezebelle’s eighth year at the expo. She says she has some crazy stories about things that have happened through the years, but can’t really tell them. So what does she do in Las Vegas when she’s not working? “Generally, I’m sleeping,” Jezebelle says. “I’m not a goer outer. Tonight I’m going to get nice and shitty, but you know, the rest of the time, I got things to do. I gotta look pretty. Work comes before party.”

Sierra Sinn gets wet and wild.

2:18 p.m. - Sierra Sinn gives an impromptu dance on top of the Elegant Angel signing table. The star of “Super Squirt 4” is wearing a white t-shirt and is having it sprayed. After a bit of being the center of attention, she jumps down and flashes the crowd. She gives herself a few spanks on the back side and then settles down to autograph photos. I ask if she has any more water shows planned and she says: “Fuck yeah. I would definitely count on it. I like being wet.”

2:27 p.m. – Busty ladies Danielle Derek and Daphne Rosen are hanging out at the Pureplay signing stalls. Both are topless, baring basketball-sized breasts with little stick-on hand prints and flowers covering most of their nipples. Danielle poses with fans, and I think some of them get a bit too rambunctious, grabbing and groping her. When I ask her about it she sounds as if she is disappointed she isn’t allowed to have more interaction than she does. “You do have to be careful,” Danielle says. “You don’t want everyone to get away with murder because the convention has it’s rules. We’re not allowed to be naked or perform sexual acts, so we have to be careful. Otherwise we’ll get thrown out. It’s them.” I ask if anyone has tried ripping the hands off her chest. She laughs and says, “Everyone know’s better. People carry guns here.”

Daphne Rosen

2:35 p.m. – Two things are really jumping out at me. For one, the expo is way too damn fast. You are bombarded in every direction. I think my brain starts overheating due to sensory overload after a short period of time here. This place is a magnification of two issues we have in society that nobody ever really talks about. The first is we as a civilization are seemingly having shorter and shorter attention spans. We need an over abundance of stimulation. We’re the United States of ADD. That’s why the expo is like this. The other issue is our unapologetic sense of entitlement. As I watch more and more reactions of fans and their interactions with the talent at the show, I actually start to feel a little sorry for these women. No longer is it good enough to wait in line to see your favorite porn star and get an autograph. It’s not even good enough that you can snap your own photos of her. These fans aren’t even satisfied with then standing next to the stars and having their photo taken with them. They have to cop a feel and do so without asking. You do this with the checker at Wal-Mart and you will be slapped with sexual assault charges. When I see this, I think to myself, “Am I this big of a scumbag? Is this how women see me because I am at this event?” I mean I’m here as a reporter and from a journalistic standpoint I completely feel entitled to be here to take photos of all that surrounds me. The autographs I have been collecting are actually for identification purposes. I started at first getting the pictures, posters and calendars signed to Polly Staffle, but today I’ve just been throwing random names out there. Partially just to have a little fun, but mainly because most of the images are too obscene to scan in and post on my site. Perhaps none of this matters and my sense of entitlement to even see these crude images is out of wack. I think I’ll go see Pastor J.R. Mahon.

2:40 p.m. – I drop in at the “Jesus Loves Porn Stars” booth to say “Hi” and ask J.R. what he thinks of the event. This is J.R.’s fifth year here. He says this is the craziest it has ever been. “It’s been a slow progression each year,” Mahon said. “But this year, it has gone off the charts.” Truthfully, I don’t see how the guy can stand being anywhere near this place since he is anti-porn. At the same time, it’s not like I support this entire free-for-all. I’m not even quite sure what my stance is on pornography. Ever since I saw Shane Ryan’s “Amateur Porn Star Killer” I have become more questioning of where the images come from, what means were used to get them, how those involved were affected and what effect the pornography has on those that see them. I used to have the thought that, porn is not a crime and those involved are only exploiting themselves. But are these women actually exploiting themselves? Are they in control? Or have they devalued themselves to a point that they no longer have any self worth? Are the fans simply treating these women like they have been taught to treat them or are they blurring the lines of fantasy and reality? I have no answers.

2:45 p.m. – Back to the smut cesspool I go. Maybe there I will find answers. I meet Ashley Blue, who is nominated for most outrageous scene for her work in “Girlvert 11.” In the film she plays “a screwed up girl going to college” she explains. The scene in question happens after a vegetarian girl ticks her off one day and Ashley’s character decides to get back at her. “I’m eating a hamburger and she says, ‘Meat is murder,’” Ashley says. “I’m a bit offended so I have her over by telling her I want to save the squirrels. She shows up and we throw raw meat all over her. We even wrap up the raw meat around the guys cock. He’s a French guy and he says to her, “You don’t like meat. I will show you how you don’t like it.” We get a spicy raw sausage and put it in her asshole. It burns. She’s tweaked out of her mind. She’s got all these pimples on her face and at the end she’s all, ‘My face is burning,’ so I give her mouthwash instead of soap and she comes screaming out of the shower, ‘Oh my god.’ ... This all isn’t in the movie by the way. I know I wish, but… I actually didn’t tell anybody I did that till later. I was like, ‘Opps, I gave her mouthwash.’” It’s at that point a fan chimes in: “That scene is so sick. I had to fast-forward it. I couldn’t jerk off to it.” Ashley responds, “It was fun though. Playing with the meat. It smells good. It feels good. It looks cool. I got the idea from a butcher. Raw chicken is icky. But I beat her head with the drumstick of the chicken. We also rolled up meatballs and stuck them in her eyes. It’s a really good scene. I love it.” On that note, not knowing if I should laugh or cry, I take my fully nude autographed poster of Ashley that she signed “blow a big one on my face” and head off to another booth.

3 p.m. – Renee Perez signs small posters of herself wearing an outfit that is similar in style to the Oscar winning film “Chicago.” I ask if she’s having a fun time in Las Vegas partying and learn she is a resident here – born and raised. “I party all the time,” Renee responds.

Ange Venus warming up.

3:10 p.m. – Next up I pass Ange Venus or Miss. Stretch Armstrong as she should be called. The Asian performer is as flexible as an ice skater. She demonstrates this flexibility by bending like Beckham never did, drawing a bit of crowd.

Very good Jaque. Let’ see you take on “99 Red Balloons” next.

3:15 p.m. - I spot a woman in pink blowing a huge… pink balloon. This is like the biggest balloon I’ve ever seen. She huffs and puffs and fills the balloon with air till it reaches a size that she could fit in. Then it pops right in her face. Jaque is the woman’s name and she tells me the balloon idea was just one she tried in hopes of doing something different at the expo. “I have never done that before,” Jaque said. “I didn’t expect for it to actually make me dizzy.”

Pinky got back.

3:20 p.m. – An African American female with pink hair that goes by the clever stage name Pinky, you know like the singer Pink that also had pink hair when she first came out, shakes her Oakland booty and backs that thing up for people to snap photos. She is autographing the DVD cover of Evasive Angels’ “Big Butt All Stars.” I tell her I want her signature for a friend of mine. She then gives me two DVDs featuring promotional trailers. “Ones for him and ones for you,” Pinky says.

3:30 p.m. – Ron Jeremy is over at the Pink Visual stage handing out DVDs. To me I’ve never quite understood the whole appeal with the man nicknamed Hedgehog. I used to think he looked like my Uncle Tim, but in person he isn’t near as handsome as my uncle. After tossing out all the free stuff, Ron remains on stage and gives an interview to a camera crew. He first autographs the female interviewer’s breast. During the filming of the interview, Ron has his hand on the woman’s ass as she asks him questions. The crowd is unable to hear a word he says as the interview is solely for the camera. It still doesn’t stop members of the crowd from screaming out his name and saying things like “Ron, you rock.” These aren’t female fans, they’re guys. I feel as though I am missing something.

3:40 p.m. - I pass the snack bar. There’s a line about as long as the one at Club Jenna. Is it just me or am I the only one that doesn’t want to eat anything cooked at a porn fest? Taking chances of someone jacking off into your food at a fast-food restaurant is bad enough and the hot dogs are $4.50 here.

3:50 p.m. – I walk through the GayVN Expo. Most of the individuals back here checking out this section seem a bit paranoid. I wonder what’s up with that. And for those that have yet to check out the GayVN zone, it is so overrated. It’s about four booths or so. Man, what a disappointment. I see images of a man giving another man oral sex on a TV screen. It’s not my favorite image of the day to say the least. One booth features guy’s in just their underwear. They look like little boys and are wearing “Spider Man” undies. It’s another image that doesn’t crack the day’s top five list. Next to the pajama Power Ranger posse is a drag queen made up in a similar fashion to Marilyn Manson’s “Mechanical Animals” period. He is talking to two women. They’re the only two women I spot in this neck of the woods.

Above, Cyndi stikes a pose, below, is Shainna.

3:52 p.m. – Back in the straight world, I find myself at the Chicken Ranch booth again. Today two prostitutes from the ranch, Shainna and Cyndi, are signing autographs, decked out in old school gangster attire. I jokingly tell Cyndi to make my photo out to my boss. She laughs and writes “cum all over me” on the photo. Yeah, give that to your boss and see how well that goes. Cyndi yells to passersby, “This is the real deal. The rest up in here are all just a tease, but right here is the real thing.” To me Shainna looks a tad like iconic 70’s actress Pam Grier of “Foxy Brown” fame. The five-year veteran tells me she has never heard of Grier and says she will have to look her up, adding that some say she looks like Tia and Tamera Mowry from “Sister, Sister” or Kelly Ripa from “Live with Regis & Kelly.” Shainna tells me about the Friday night party bus, which will be leaving the expo at 5:30 p.m. and departing the World Famous Chicken Ranch Brothel at 9:30 p.m. The party bus is said to give people a taste of what the brothel is all about and includes champagne, beer and snacks. “The party bus is free,” Shainna says. “It’s the only thing you will get for free.” For those interested, Shainna also confessed that doggystyle and blowjobs are her specialty.

4:05 p.m. – I attempted to reach a PR lady I’ve emailed a few times previous to the expo. She represents a number of porn stars. I leave a message telling her I hope to set something up for tomorrow or the next day.

4:10 p.m. – Over near the Evil Empire, I spot someone that reminds me of Scream Queen Debbie Rochon. But this is a real live dominatrix. Her name is Anastasia Pierce. I snap a photo, she give me an autograph and hands me artwork from two of her most recent movies. The photo signed by Anastasia “from a very kinky girl” is the cover of a recent Domination Directory International. The DVD artwork she hands me are for “Renter’s Revenge” and “Teacher’s Pet 2.” Both produced by Anastasia, one film is described as having “stringent bondage, electrical play, Chinese suction cups, breath play, a vac-bed and hot wax.” I ask to get a comment from Anastasia on how her day is going and she tells me to email her so we can set up an interview at a later time.

Belladonna gets rid of icky germs from fans.

4:15 p.m. – I walk around the Evil Empire and snap photos of Annette Schwartz and Belladonna. Though Belladonna, currently with a shaved head, appears tough, she has a huge bottle of hand sanitizer next to her while signing. At several points in between autographs, she cleans up her hands. I’m not sure if she does this after having to deal with freaks or what exactly, but with the long line that is waiting to get her signature, she may just use the whole bottle.

Infomercial coming soon.

4:20 p.m. – A woman with glittery silver heart pasties stands on top of the counter of a booth with her skirt lifted up. Unsurprising, a crowd has formed around her. Another woman is on the counter shaving the other’s bikini line. I’ve never seen this on an infomercial, but that is what I am reminded of. This display is a demonstration for intimate area shavers for men and women by Body Bare. The item’s promotional poster promises it “shaves closer than a blade” and “won’t irritate personal areas.” I don’t know about that. I’m pretty sure the young lady having her bikini line shaved over and over for demonstrations several days straight at this event will have a bit of irritation.

Bull ridding would be a hell of a lot bigger sport if it always looked like this.

4:30 p.m. – Located near a yellow Corvette with the poster of “Deep Throat” painted on its hood, sits a mechanical bull. I passed it yesterday and no one was anywhere near the area. Today a woman wearing hardly anything at all is ridding the bucking bull. She is surrounded by flashing cameras and video cameras. She definitely stays on for longer than eight seconds, but is eventually thrown off. The crowd quickly disburses, leaving the area deserted once again.

“Little Yellow Deep Throat Corvette” will be one of the songs Prince sings during the Super Bowl halftime show this year.

4:45 p.m. – I spot a booth with a tiny porn star that looks like “Punky Brewster.” She is wearing what looks like softball attire with a black cheerleading skirt. Fans pick her up when they get their photos taken with her. What would Henry have to say about this? To me, it’s a bit on the creepy side for some reason. I just snap a photo as I pass.

Punky Brewster?

4:50 p.m. – From the distance I spot the tallest woman I have ever seen. They’re bound to be at least a foot taller than me. As I get closer to get a better view I realize as Tone Loc once sang, “Sheena was man.” Well, actually Heather Towers was her, I mean his, her… whatever’s … name. Ahh, the sign above the booth says Sin City T-Girls. That would have clued me in earlier. Not a top fiver either. Ok, I think I’m ready to go home.

Now this image is stuck in your head too.

5:10 p.m. – On the way home I get a text message from the PR lady I had left a message for earlier. The text message simply gives me a number to call and doesn’t say why. I call it and leave a message on that phone.

7 p.m. – I receive a phone call from the number I left the message at. It is a porn star calling and she explains that she will be unable to “shoot” for my website. The call had caught me by surprise, so I basically said “okay” and let her go. It’s at this point I realize these porn people are not at all used to dealing with journalists. At the most they’re used to people with microphones and cameras asking them brainless questions similar to what I’ve been doing the first two days here. I don’t think they quite get the concept of a Q&A with a bit of substance to it. I shall see where tomorrow gets me.

- CCF, January 2007