DAY 3

SHE SAID, HE SAID

Sex toys on display in the B2B Marketplace.

10:37 a.m. - I hit up the AVN Expo early. I’ve got an 11 a.m. interview with OhMiBod inventor Suki. What’s the OhMiBod? Well, it’s a vibrator that hooks into your iPod and somehow picks up the sound waves to vibrate to the music. Who’s Suki? I have no idea. Is she a former Asian porn star? Is she a Dr. Ruth-type old lady? Is she a computer nerd that will talk all high tech and lose me in geek speak? I shall find out. When I get to the OhMiBod booth in the B2B Marketplace, I am told Suki is not there. It seems there was some kind of mix up and her people were under the impression our chat was supposed to be at 9 a.m. though I have an email stating otherwise. It doesn’t matter, she is upstairs checking out the expo and will be back soon. I am asked if I have tried out the OhMiBod yet. I say no and instantly find myself with a pair of headphones on, while they try to reach Suki by her cell phone. This is a bit of a weird moment for me because I personally would never use the OhMiBod on myself, but at the same time, I am curious as to how well it works and I don’t want to come off as rude. But the last thing I want is for someone to snap a photo of me handling a vibrator. So I take in a quick listen and feel the bouncing device with my finger. “Yeah, it works,” I think to myself. Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” video is playing on the iPod. I like Shakira, but that self-boasting song with Wycleaf Jean saying over and over “Shakira, Shakira” really gets on my nerves. I quickly take the headphones off and explain I will be around, checking out other booths.

Just an example of the unapologetic sense of entitlement on display by fans attending the AVN Expo. Above are two complete strangers standing beside each other. One shirt reads: Hello, May I Eat Your Pussy, Please? The other: Show Me Your Rack.

10:50 a.m. - Not finding anything else worth messing with, I head back to the OhMiBod booth. I finally meet Suki. She’s not quite who I expected. She’s more Reba McEntire than Asia Carrera. She used to work for Apple Computers, but she’s no Bill Gates either. I have a nice conversation with her. She tells me all about what made her come up with the idea, what she hopes to achieve with the product and more. We also talk some about her other product that is for cell phones. Click here for a feature story on Suki and her gadget.

Whitney Fears.

11:30 a.m. - I’m back upstairs wondering around when I spot a starlet that reminds me of Britney Spears. I approach to ask a few questions and take her photo. I’m not alone in thinking she looks like the pop princess it seems. “I’ve heard it a few times,” she tells me. “Sometimes people will say something when they see me.” In fact, so many times that her performance name is Whitney Fears. I try to uncover what I can about Whitney. “I’m completely brand new - still a virgin in the business,” Whitney says. It seems she got her start in November, but has been pretty busy since then. “I’ve done less than 20 (pornos),” Whitney says as if that’s a low number. And what made her get in the business, I ask. “I recently graduated from college and when that happens you’re supposed to go out and get a job,” Whitney responds. “As far as employment in business and marketing, there aren’t any guarantees, so I said I’m going to go take a shot (at porn) and I did. I’m loving every minute of it.” And are people surprised of the profession chosen by the woman that double majored in business communications/marketing and media communication? “I don’t understand, why can’t a smart girl like to fuck,” Whitney answers. And has she gotten mobbed by hordes of fans that have mistaken her for the pantiless party girl Britney Spears? “Not yet,” Whitney says. “Maybe one day.”

Paris Gables.

11:40 a.m. - Next to Whitney is a blonde girl in a schoolgirl outfit. She sits in front of a poster that says “Hail Satan.” It is a promo for a new Matt Zane film from Extreme Associates called “Club Satan: The Witches Sabbath.” She is Paris Gables, the star of the film. Intrigued by the poster I approach to find out more. “What can you tell me about this movie, is it real horror-oriented or what exactly?” I ask. “It’s a hardcore, like… You want to talk to the director?” Paris responds. It’s at that point I realize something. I’ve been going about this all wrong. I’ve gotten caught up in the whole circus of this event. The filmmakers are the people I need to talk to. Like legit films, they are the creative forces behind these movies. The stars aren’t necessarily there because they want to make a statement or because they have a creative drive to do what they are doing. In other words, they’re not here for the same reason I am. I’m here because I have a passion for entertainment. They’re here for the same reason I have a “real” job that pays my bills. If I want more than “I like sex” or “I like boobs” I need to talk to filmmakers. Just because Brad Armstrong isn’t at the expo doesn’t mean there aren’t other directors that actually have visions and care about their final products. “Sure! Is he around?” I answer. “No, but he’ll be back,” she replies. I take a few photos of Paris, get her autograph and wait for the director.

11:50 a.m. – The director of “Club Satan” returns from doing an interview. He is Shane Bugbee. The name is so familiar to me. He and his wife Amy wrote the screenplay. Her name is familiar as well. I can’t place where I know their names from. As I talk to Shane I learn he is new to the adult entertainment world. He hands me two screeners and a CD for reviewing purposes. They’re not porn, they’re Radio Free Satan related and a true crime DVD. I’ve heard of Radio Free Satan through Myspace, but know little of it. That’s not where I know his name. As we talk, he mentions he has known Matt Zane awhile through promoting rock concerts and festivals. He mentions the “Milwaukee Metal Fest.” Then it hits me, I’m talking to Mike Hunt. “Oh, you know me?” Shane says. “That’s good. I don’t owe you any money or anything do I?” No, he doesn’t owe me money, but I’ve bought a few things from his wife and him on eBay – a Samain CD, a zine and video about the Columbine school shooting dubbed “The Trench Coat Diaries” and a few other things here and there. I have a nice interview with Shane and then let him go about his way to talk with someone else. Click here for a feature story on Shane and his movie that is said to be out sometime in March.

Rob Rotten greets autograph seekers.

12:30 p.m. – I wander through the expo, trying to find someone else to interview. I stop to take photos of Bree Olson of “Chicks Gone Wild #3.” I keep wandering until I spot Rob Rotten seated at a booth. The day before I passed a poster for “Porn of the Dead,” which he directed. I decide to approach him. Click here for that short Q&A.

1 p.m. – Larry Flynt will be here at 2 p.m. I want to get in line so I start hanging around the Hustler booth. My girlfriend is a huge Larry Flynt fan… well, she is a big fan of his biopic starring Woody Harrelson anyway. She’s not a subscriber to any of the Flynt Publications or anything. She wanted a Hustler calendar and an autograph from the king pervert, so I decide I’ll jump in line at 1:30 p.m. The way the bigger booths are set up is essentially a square and there are four different people signing at the same time. So for now I am making my way around to Memphis Monroe, Joanna Angel and Nikki Nine, having them sign a year round poster calendar. I ask Joanna where she got her stage name and she replies simply, “I’m an angel.” I ask Nikki what the nine in her name stands for. “I like Nikki Six,” she replies. “I wanted to be a nine to his six.” Strangely enough I notice something. If you are talking about the three mainstream porn magazines – Hustler, Playboy and Penthouse, basically Hugh Hefner’s product is essentially seen as higher class than the other three. Ask just about anyone on the street and they will say that. Penthouse would be second and tends to be on the artistic side, while Hustler is pure low class, assume the position, spread the wings and fly smut. Well, here at the expo, the Hustler girls are like a step above most of the others. They are the grade-A classy ladies of this pack.

1:30 p.m. – Looks like I’ll be the first in line. That’s not a problem. I don’t mind at all being a geek if it’s worth it. I will not wait 30 minutes in a line for Jenna Jameson, but a self-made millionaire, true pioneer, that has stood up for first amendment rights, I will.

1:45 p.m. – The line has gotten fairly long behind me. I spot a woman across the way amongst a band of photographers that has formed. She seems out of place. She is clutching a book and appears lost. “I bet she is here to see Larry Flynt,” I tell myself. “Oh man, she is in the wrong place.” I tell the guy behind me to hold my spot. I go over and ask, “Are you here to see Larry Flynt?” She replies yes and I inform her the line is on the opposite side of where she is standing. I kindly offer her a cut in front of me. “Oh, thank you so much,” she says. I learn she has come all the way from Ohio to see Mr. Flynt. He has been a huge inspiration on her life. “He’s the reason I decided to become a lawyer,” she tells me, adding that she has even written her thesis on him. “What the hell is it about a man in a wheelchair, “I ask myself. “The ladies just can’t get enough, can they?”

2 p.m. – Right on time Larry Flynt arrives. He is pushed in his gold wheelchair by a guy that looks like he is in the secret service. As soon as Flynt reaches the booth, he begins signing his name and passing out photos. There’s no interaction. There’s no, “Hi, how are you? Who do I make it out to?” It’s as if he is a robot programmed to sign Larry Flynt and nothing more. I was reminded of “Silence of the Lambs” and Hannibal on the upright stretcher being pushed around or “Weekend at Bernies.” It’s as if he is just propped up there and not a fully function human. Did Flynt have a stroke? Can he no longer speak? Is he just completely burnt out on events like these? Now I know why he only appears for an hour at a time. I wonder if the woman from Ohio is as disappointed as I am. Sadness comes over me. I’m reminded of the first time I saw concert footage of Wesley Willis, who seemed completely taken advantage of and not in on the fact most of the people at the show thought he was a joke. This isn’t the Larry Flynt I wanted to see. As I walk away, I look down at the 8X10 photo I just received. Larry’s name is completely smudged. Not just one of his names, but his first and last name. Man, what a disappointment.

2:05 p.m. – After getting Larry Flynt’s scribble, I am, essentially, automatically in line for someone else. As I said earlier, the Hustler booth has this sort of merry-go-round science to it. You get in line at one spot and you can go all the way around. I have no idea who I am in line to see, but she is dressed in sort of an old school pinup way, so I stay put. A male and female couple gets in line behind me. The following conversation takes place:

SHE: Who is this? She’s hot.

HE: It’s Nina Mercedez.

SHE: Who?

HE: Nina Mercedez.

SHE: Never heard of her.

HE: She’s a contract girl. I have a few of her movies.

SHE: She’s hot…

HE: (Silence)

SHE: You can admit it. She’s pretty isn’t she?

HE: Yeah, I guess.

SHE: She has big boobs though. You don’t like big boobs.

HE: (Silence)

SHE: I don’t have big boobs. You don’t like boobs, do you?

HE: No, it’s just her overall look.

SHE: What do you mean?

HE: You know the Latina look.

SHE: What do you mean?

HE: You know dark hair… dark skin. The Latina look.

SHE: I’m not Latina. I don’t have dark skin. My skin is pale.

HE: No, not that. Just the dark hair.

SHE: That’s not her real hair you know? Its extensions… I want extensions.

HE: (Silence)

SHE: She hot though… She looks like a Disney character or something.

She’s right. Nina does look like a Disney character of some sort. I keep trying to figure out who she looks like. It’s not any of the Disney villains is it? Tess Tenderheart of “Dick Tracy”? Hmmm… I’m not sure. Anyway, I take some photos of Nina. The happy couple behind me has their photo taken with her. I’m sure they had a nice evening at the expo and their conversation probably spilled over into the next month or two. It’s probably a very similar conversation that every couple there had or will have.

2:10 p.m. – Well, it’s been a crazy few days. I’m going to go home to my girlfriend. I think I’m about AVN Expo’ed out.

And so the debate on pornography continues. One of the most ironic things about porn is, most males, whether they admit it or not, like pornography. It’s in our programming. Women on the other hand, don’t like it. Those that say they do are just lying to please someone else – just like the men that say they don’t. Again, it’s programming. But at the same time, if it wasn’t for women, there wouldn’t be a pornographic empire. Women looking to get attention and the approval of men (who want to gawk at nude women) is what makes the money machine keep trucking full steam ahead. Weird how that works, isn’t it?

- CCF, February 2007