“BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN” (2005)

Starring: Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal, Randy Quaid, Anne Hathaway, Linda Carellini, Michelle Williams, Anna Farris and Kate Mara
Written by E. Annie Proulx (short story), Larry McMurtry (screenplay)
& Diana Ossana (screenplay)
Directed by Ang Lee

Polly Staffle Rating: *

A movie can be a love story about a guy and his dog for all I care. As long as the director shows us a relationship I can relate to in some way and the film reveals something more than a couple getting together because of lust. If the only bond shared by the individuals is sex, that's okay as well, but the film should be erotic and not pretend it’s anything but that. “Brokeback Mountain” is a movie about two seemingly straight males that don't even give the impression that they like each other, but when they get together they can't keep their hands off each other. Actually, we can assume their encounters lead to “making love” because though their relationship is built on passion, there is only one sex scene between them.

This is probably the straightest gay movie you could ever make. Perhaps that is why it got so much attention. Everyone can say they saw it and claim they don't have a problem with homosexuals as a defense when they are accused of being homophobic. At the same time, they can defend seeing the film by saying it breaks new ground and is critically acclaimed. I however don't care what anybody says about me and am being one hundred percent honest when I say “Brokeback Mountain” sucks. In fantasy, this is a romantic love story with a heartfelt message that is important to our society. In reality, it's a cheesy and politically correct look at relationships that could have been turned into something important. Two Hollywood hunks making out? Big deal. There's plenty of them that do that in their personal lives all the time. This film is nothing more than a big “shame on you” to the straight viewers in the audience for persecuting same sex relationships. It's also a “shame on you” to homosexuals that were and are in the closet and holding back their true colors. The problem is this film is completely holding back when it shouldn't in telling the story. If it's a love story, show us a relationship built on love. If it's a sex story, show us steamy soft-core action. There was more of both in the PG-13 movie “The Notebook,” which was also a complete waste of time.

After saying that, you are probably surprised to hear I've got two positives to say about this movie. One, it looks good. The cinematography is great, but if I was into seeing mountains and sheep and crap like that I'd go live among them like “Grizzly Man” and his bears, or I'd watch nothing but nature DVDs and the Discovery Channel. The second positive is this film has a great all-star cast. It's horribly used, but is still jam packed with good actors and actresses. It's not their fault the script plays things extremely safe as to not make anyone uncomfortable - gay or straight.

Heath Ledger stars here as Anus... I mean Ennis. Ledger plays the role with marbles in his mouth and I can't understand a word he says. Ennis' partner in crime is Jack Nasty played by Jake Gyllenhaal, who I've been a big fan of since “October Sky.” Gyllenhaal usually steals every scene he is in, but here he gives the worst performance of his career. It’s a shame this film overshadowed the performance he gave in the far superior “Jarhead” this past year. His delivery in “Brokeback Mountain” seems rushed like he is uncomfortable and wants to leave the world of homosexual cowboys behind. Randy Quaid, Anne Hathaway, Linda Carellini, Michelle Williams, Anna Farris and Kate Mara are also here in much underused roles.

Quaid's character Joe Aguirre is obviously a bigot, yet the worst he says is “You boys sure found a way to make the time pass up there. Twist, you guys wasn't gettin' paid to leave the dogs babysittin' the sheep while you stem the rose.” Aguirre catches the “boys” wrestling around on the ground and he decides he doesn't want “their kind” working for him. They weren't engaged in intercourse. They were “rough housing” as most dim witted guys their age do. Aguirre should be happy Jack and Ennis weren't having sex with the sheep, a problem he probably has had in the past.

Hathaway, Williams, Carellini, Mara and Farris are here to be pretty so straight males have something to look at over the course of the film. That's what I am assuming anyway. Their parts are extremely small, but Hathaway and Williams manage to get nude in that time. I thought for sure Farris, Carellini and Mara would be getting naked as well, but they appear for even shorter periods of time and have very few lines of dialogue. Williams is used the best of the five as Ennis' wife Alma. Hathaway plays Jack's wife Lureen. Carellini is a girlfriend of Ennis and Mara is his daughter. Farris is just here to ramble as the wife of another gay cowboy.

It seems all cowboys are gay. Scratch that, all men if put in a situation will have sex with anyone. That's what I got from the movie. The sexual preference of Ennis is that there is a hole for him to put his penis in. Though he sleeps with Jack, all of his other relationships are with women, but he doesn't exactly like women. He doesn't like anyone. He doesn't care about anyone. He's miserable and takes everyone and everything he has ever had for granted, so just leave him the hell alone. Maybe if he took all that snuff out of his mouth people could understand what he says at least. Jack on the other hand appears to be a closet homosexual. He reminded me of the gay rooster joke - you know, “instead of cock-a-doodle-do, the gay rooster says any-cockle-do.” He's always on the down low looking for new men. Since he's from Texas, he’s of course into “rodeoing” and traveling to Mexico for prostitutes. (Of course, that’s all I did for the 23 years I lived in Texas, but I gave it up to move to Las Vegas, so I could sleep with showgirls, join the mob and gamble 24-hours a day with my Elvis hair and sunglasses.) How does Jack go from banging guys to being married with a child? Since Lureen is a rodeo girl, maybe he thought she would be a little on the masculine side? He confesses later that their relationship can be had on the telephone, so my guess is they had sex once.

Going into this movie, I thought it was going to be a cheesy Hollywoodized love story that had your average “My Girl” twist at the end to make it a tearjerker. It didn't even live up to those expectations. I’m a straight male, so I thought maybe I saw the film from a closed-mined straight point of view. So I asked a gay friend of mine and he said it wasn't just me. He summed the film up as being a “night of passion stretched into a love story.” He added that there are plenty of seemingly straight married men that do very gay things, but agreed that Jack and Ennis didn't have any connection that would have made the first encounter ever happen.

I also had a problem with how an event involving Jack is handled in the film. I won't go into detail, but something horrible happens to him. No, I'm not referring to being rammed from behind with no lubricant. This is even more awful. Basically, during the film's climax we see it in images one way and are told in sound a different story. There is an alternative third possibility that is never touched on that could have. Had the way it is done been effective, I wouldn't view it as a problem, but the film ends very weak instead of hitting us with a powerful finale.

People can say what they want about “Brokeback Mountain.” They can say it is a definitive movie about homosexuals like “Philadelphia” was about AIDS. Of course that was a lie too. Some critics even called this film “revolutionary.” It’s far from that. It’s possible this could be the jumping off point for a masterpiece in the future. But as my brother pointed out, that’s what they said about “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” and I don’t think anybody quite sees “Space Jam” or Looney Toons” as a masterpiece. In the meantime, if you want to see a love story about a man struggling with his sexual identity, check out the Jessica Lange film “Normal” about a husband that comes to the realization he is a woman stuck in a man’s body. “The Crying Game” is also a good choice. Neither of these are masterpieces, but I would call both more revolutionary than “Brokeback Mountain.”

No puns intended, but maybe society likes to be eased into certain subject matters and bigger and better movies will be coming on the back of this film's success. Somehow I doubt it. Maybe the best thing now is to take the three brass Oscars “Brokeback Mountain” won and melt them down. They could be turned into a trumpet and given to a poor junior high band kid in New Orleans, so at least some “true” good will have come of this film.

- CCF, May 2006