“HARD SCRAMBLED” (2006)

Starring: Kurtwood Smith, Richard Edson, Beth Grant, Eyal Podell, Alanna Ubach & Erik Bauer
Written & Directed by David Scott Hay
Official Website
New Visions Fellowship

Polly Staffle Rating: ***

The tagline for Chicago playwright David Scott Hay’s debut film “Hard Scrambled” is “Sometimes life is sunny-side up. Sometimes it’s over easy. But it’s never what you ordered.” It’s an interesting way to look at life, but using it as a motto for a restaurant would probably be a bad idea. Essentially that’s what Alice’s Diner seems to do. So don’t expect good customer service. In fact, don’t even expect them to be open unless it is convenient for the three-employee staff. Scratch that. Make it a staff of two as owner Alice (Beth Grant) lets go of one of her employees near the beginning of the film. Who does she decide to fire? Is it the petty thief Scotty (Eyal Podell) that steals from the register and rummages through customers cars while they eat? How about the crooked cook Benno (Kurtwood Smith of “That 70’s Show”), who has ties to the mafia and never thinks twice about whipping out a baseball bat to give someone a beat down? Nah, Alice does the most sensible thing and cuts loose the only employee she’s not having sex with - the lone female of the bunch Crysta (Alanna Ubach of “Waiting...”).

Not to be confused with “Alice’s Restaurant” where you can get anything you want or Mel’s Diner featuring the waitresses Alice, Vera and Flo, Alice’s Diner is a struggling establishment that is highly dysfunctional in a bad neighborhood. Though the business has somehow managed to stay afloat for 25 years, Alice is ready to give it up. The place isn’t what it once was, it seems, and that probably wasn’t much. All that is left are abandoned hopes. Reminiscent of the one-man play turned low budget film “Eddie Presley,” this movie explores down-and-out characters bumbling through life with events rekindling dreams long forgotten in the past.

An accident occurs and Alice is taken to the hospital. While she is away, Alice leaving the restaurant business behind seems to become more of a possibility each day. The thought of the restaurant changing hands scares Benno and Scotty. For them this isn’t just a job, it’s who they are. Soon thoughts of owning and operating the business themselves starts to run through their heads. But deliveryman Joe (Richard Edson) seems to beat them to the punch. Has he actually bought the place for $10,000 and will he turn it into a mascot-themed restaurant? Do Benno and Scotty have schemes of their own up their sleeves? As these three fight for control over the establishment one thing is certain, nothing is ever really what it seems.

“Hard Scrambled” is a slowly-paced, but fun film. It’s a quirky drama that plays for laughs, getting them sometimes and not at others. Most of the movie’s action takes place at the diner giving it that “Clerks” or “The Breakfast Club” type feel. Like those classics, “Hard Scrambled” is heavily character driven. None of the roles are necessarily likeable, but the cast does the best they can with them.

The most interesting aspect of the film for me was seeing Smith in the role of Benno. Smith has played the character Red on the television show “That 70’s Show” so well, I see him as actually being the the loud and obnoxious, but lovable dad of Topher Grace’s Eric Forman in real life. Here Smith shows he doesn’t have to earn a living off of that one character forever. He plays a tattooed bad ass ex-con that looks like a cross between Michael Ironside and Charles Manson. My biggest complaint is Benno is never fully unleashed on screen. We get a scene or two of violence and sadistic behavior, but this guy is so off the wall he is capable of much more. After seeing this film, I definitely would like to see Smith in a really twisted villain role. Benno isn’t all bad though. He actually has a soft side as he tries to play the father figure to the younger males around him and it seems as though part of the reason he so badly wants to keep his job is to be near Alice.

The character actor Edson is good here as Joe. Besides being the original drummer of Sonic Youth, Edson is one of those guys you’ve seen in a ton of movies - “Do the Right Thing,” “Platoon,” “Super Mario Brothers” - and you always recognize him, but you never remember who the hell he is. To me he’s like the goofy long lost brother of Robert Dinero. Here Edson is a gullible loser that dreams big, but always seems to get screwed.

The character of Scotty, played well by Israel native Podell, is probably the hardest of the three to figure out. He’s dishonest and wants to be a big time criminal. It just doesn’t seem like his heart is really in it. In fact his current job wasn’t something he got by dropping off a resume. Having just been released from juvie hall, Scotty attempted to hold up Alice’s Diner one night after a safe drop had already been made. Instead of walking out with a fist full of dollars, Scotty was given employment.

Based on one of Hay’s plays with the same name, “Hard Scrambled” is the first film from the company New Visions Fellowship, which was founded by the trio Erik Bauer, who cameos with pork chop sideburns, James Mercurio and Dean Morini. Through Bauer’s Creative Screenwriting magazine an international search was held for screenplays that could be produced on small budgets with minimal locations and no special effects. Like Bauer’s Screennwriting Expo, New Visions looks to help empower the writer so they an also direct their projects. Hopefully more films produced by New Visions will follow as I’m a huge believer in not needing a trillion dollars to make a good movie. All that directors need are interesting characters and something entertaining to move the film along. If that’s what you are looking for then “Hard Scrambled” - a best dramatic feature winner at the Garden State Film Festival - is open for business and ready to deliver just what you order.

- CCF, August 2006

EAT OPRAH’S EGGS

And now for your enjoyment, a little celebrity recipe from Oprah Winfrey:

SCRAMBLED EGGS

Created by Art Smith and Oprah Winfrey
From the Spring 2005 issue of O at Home
Serves 4

• Ingredients
• * 6 egg whites
• * 1 egg yolk
• * 1 tsp. fresh thyme, oregano, or chives
• * 1 scallion, minced
• * Salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
• * 1 ounce pepper Jack cheese or 1 Tbsp. Parmesan cheese

For scrambled eggs, Oprah uses thyme, oregano or chives—whatever’s freshest in her herb garden. In a bowl, beat the egg whites and the yolk. Add the herbs and scallion, and season with salt and pepper. Spray a nonstick omelet pan with cooking spray, heat the pan to medium, and pour in the eggs. Use a wooden spoon to move them around, making sure to scrape the bottom to prevent them from sticking. When they begin to come together, sprinkle on the cheese, and cook till they reach the desired doneness. Enjoy!