FILM FIGHTS

Inspired by the recent trend of Hollywood resurecting the “VS.” genre - as in “Freddy vs. Jason” and “Alien vs. Predator” - I've decided to have my own fight club. Here you will find reviews tackling more than one film. Sometimes these will be head-to-head comparisons and other times I’ll throw four or five movies in the ring together. Usually some type of theme will connect the films, but then again I might throw stuff out there just for thr hell of it. By the way, I was getting used to the versus movies. I kept waiting for “The Evil Dead vs. The Blair Witch.” Could you imagine? It would be 90-minutes of nothing, but trees falling in the woods. By the way, if you have a certain fight in mind, shoot me an email and I'll see what I can do.

- CCF

DEAD PRESIDENTS” (1995)

Starring: Larenz Tate, Keith David, Chris Tucker, Freddy Rodríguez, Rose Jackson & Terrance Howard
Written by Allen Hughes (story), Albert Hughes (story), Wallace Terry & Michael Henry Brown (screenplay)
Directed by The Hughes Brothers

Polly Staffle Rating: ****

“FORREST GUMP” (1994)

Starring: Tom Hanks, Robin Wright Penn, Gary Sinise, Mykelti Williamson & Sally Field
Written by Winston Groom (novel) & Eric Roth (screenplay)
Directed by Robert Zemeckis

Polly Staffle Rating: *

“Dead Presidents” is essentially the African American version of “Forrest Gump.” Now, when I make that comment, people look at me strange and ask, “What? Is Larenz Tate supposed to be retarded in that movie?” But that’s not what I mean. The two films are just loaded with parallels.

I’ll start with the easy ones so you follow along with me. Both films are epic works of fiction about a man and where he goes in life because of choices he makes. “Dead Presidents” follows the life of Anthony Curtis and “Forrest Gump” is named after its title character. Anthony is good at playing pool. Forrest is good at ping pong. Anthony signs up to fight in the Vietnam War as does Forrest. They both receive medals – Forrest a Purple Heart, Curtis a Silver Star. The Purple Heart is awarded to soldiers wounded or killed, while the Silver Star is the third highest medal for valor. Both give back to their community when they come into money. Forrest donates to hospitals and churches and Anthony hands out toys from the trunk of his car to children on the street. Both men fall in love with women that have first name initials starting with J. As it turns out, Jenny isn’t any good for Forrest and Juanita is the wrong woman for Anthony. Forrest is a loose cannon, punching any man that goes near his Jenny and Anthony throws down when he feels threatened by or about his Juanita. Neither ends up with the girl at the end of the film and both have children and probably shouldn’t. They also both attend Black Panther meetings.

That’s about where the identical comparisons stop because “Forrest Gump” has nothing to do with real life. In fact “Forrest Gump” offends me more than any movie I have ever seen. It fills me with rage. It’s a slap in the face to a lot of people. It trivializes having to deal with any sort of handicap or overcoming anything for that matter. Forrest was born with a low IQ and a crooked spine. He’s not very smart and he is unable to use his legs. But his mom takes care of that for him. She buys braces for his feet to cure his spine and has intercourse with the principal to get him into public school. The movie doesn’t tell us, but she must have screwed all of her son’s teachers as well because not only did he graduate high school, he graduated college. He was able to go to college because one day when some bullies were picking on him, he ran, the leg braces fell off and he was faster than “Superman.”

Forrest would never be able to hack high school or college and he surely wouldn’t be able to handle football. I had a friend in high school that was what everyone calls “slow.” He was a water boy for the football team kind of like Cuba Gooding, Jr. in “Radio.” His nickname was “Cool Whip.” You don’t really want to know where he got his nickname, so let’s just say Cool Whip was a tad bit offensive and overly suggestive about high school girls. I bring up Cool Whip because I played football. I’ve always had a weight problem. Being over weight is something I had to deal with in playing football. It is an obstacle and I fought through it. I only played high school football. Just about anybody that puts their mind to it, can. College on the other hand is a different story. Those guys are top notch athletes that have to bust their ass in the weight room, in practice, on the field and have classes. Forrest Gump managed this? Under legendary Alabama coach Bear Bryant, no less. A man with a mental and physical handicap? Cool Whip on the other hand couldn’t play high school football. Not everyone can. But Cool Whip obviously liked football, actually I think it was the cheerleaders he liked and enjoyed going to the games, so he did what he could – he was a trainer. I’m not saying Forrest was incapable of playing football. He could have, but he would have had to work at it. He couldn’t have just shown up, been handed the ball and ran like Domanick Davis with no training. Like Forrest, Cool Whip graduated high school. He graduated, but didn’t go to college. In fact, it took five years for Cool Whip to get through the school’s special education program, but he did it. He can’t read, but he has a diploma, a letterman’s jacket and a class ring. He’s extremely proud of all of them. As he should be. But in the world of “Forrest Gump,” my friend is a failure. In fact, I’m a failure. Every single one of us is. Especially the Anthonys of the world.

Anthony and Forrest were both born with strikes against them. Gump’s strike is his mental and physical handicaps. Anthony’s is his race. Don’t distort that into something I’m not saying. I’m just noting both men were not born on the same equal playing field as a non-handicapped white male. Anthony too graduates high school. Knowing he wasn’t cut out for school and wanting to do something with himself, he enlists in the Marines. When Forrest joins the army, he is already a college graduate. He enlists and makes friends with Bubba, who tells Forrest they should go into the “scrimping business” when they get out. Both Forrest and Bubba end up being good soldiers. Anthony kills and maims with the best of the them. Forrest runs the opposite way when combat erupts. Anthony watches as a preacher’s son in his platoon chops off a man’s head and save it as a souvenir. Anthony later mercy kills a fellow soldier, whose guts are hanging out. Back home from Vietnam, Anthony wakes up from nightmares because of what he saw during the war. Forrest is there when his lieutenant’s legs are blown off and his friend Bubba dies, but nothing seems to faze him. In a letter to a friend back home, Anthony writes that he is “trying to do the right thing. Whatever that is.” He’s fighting in the war because the United States government wants him to. He kills because he’s doing what he is told. He has no clue what the right thing is, but he is tying to understand it and wants to make it happen. Forrest has no concept of doing what is right. He just bumbles and stumbles his way to good things.

Forrest was shot in the behind during combat and picks up ping pong while recovering from his wound. He becomes such a good ping pong player, he travels the world and gets endorsements from companies that make table tennis accessories. Forrest takes that money and buys a shrimp boat, which ends up making him a millionaire. Money from that is invested in Apple computers and he becomes a gazillionaire. When they finally both get back home, Forrest gets a job mowing grass because he wants to. Anthony gets a job in a butcher’s shop because he has to. No one else will hire him and the only skills he has are killing and destruction. He takes the job because he impregnated his wife when he lost his virginity shortly before he left home for Vietnam and he wants to take care of his baby girl. Forrest gets mad when Jenny, who would never give this guy the time of day, leaves him for the 700th time. He starts running and runs for three years straight. Must be nice to not have to think of working a day in his life like that. Anthony loses his job when the shop closes and gets mad the mother of his daughter has been and still is seeing a big bad pimp-looking guy named Cutty, who completely humiliates Anthony by sticking a gun in his mouth and telling him to suck it. Forrest impregnated Jenny before his cross country trek. Once he stops running, he takes Jenny back and even marries her, even though she has AIDS. The movie ends with Forrest being left as the legal guardian of Haley Joel Osment. Which, everyone can now see was a horrible idea because shortly there after Haley started seeing dead people. “Dead Presidents” on the other hand, ends with Anthony trying to head up a bank truck heist of old money that is going to be burned, getting caught and sent to prison for 15 years to life as his daughter is raised without a father.

“Forrest Gump” is unrealistic kick to the groin for anyone that has overcome anything. “Dead Presidents” is a realistic punch to the gut about a man’s downward spiral. “Forrest Gump” rakes in over $320 million at the box office domestically and over $670 million worldwide. “Dead Presidents” made $24 million total. “Forrest Gump” won Academy Awards for best picture, best actor, best director, best editing, best visual effects and best screenplay. It was also nominated for seven other Oscars and won and was nominated by a slew of other awards ceremonies. “Dead Presidents” got an Image Award nominee for best soundtrack. Did I miss something? Like, did I see the wrong “Forrest Gump”? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t “Foreskin Gump,” “Forrest Hump” or “For His Stump” because it wasn’t a porno although it should have gotten an R-rating due to violence, brief nudity, language and sensuality. It wasn’t “Finding Forrester,” “Fighting Forrest Fires with Power Pumps” or “In the Forrest Use Leaves to Wipe Yourself When You Take a Dump.” I’ve never seen any of those, but they’d probably better than “Forrest Gump.”

“Pulp Fiction” was among the films nominated against the Gumpster in 1994. “Pulp Fiction” took best original screenplay and “Forrest Gump” took best screenplay based on previously published material. So basically, as far as writing goes, Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avery’s masterpiece is equal to Eric Roth’s slap in the face. Come on, best screenplay? Is it really that hard to write a script with dialogue like, “Brain damage, ever since the day I was born. Drugs is what they used to say I was on. They say I never knew which way I was going.” Opps, that was an Eminem song. That’s actually better written then the things out of Tom Hanks’ mouth.

By the way, what ever happened to a supposed “Forrest Gump” sequel? Well, it seems in order cheat novelist Winston Groom out of his share of the profits, the production company that released it deemed “Forrest Gump” a commercial failure. Since the first movie did so poorly Groom has opted to keep the rights to his second Gumpfest. That is a shame. I was really looking forward to it. I’ve got some great ideas and I’ll get back to those shortly after I do a little build up to it. “Forrest Gump” is filled with wonderful special effects. I will give it that. I just feel most of the time the effects are wasted by being insensitive to the dead. Robert Zemeckis is wizard of special effects films and here he has Tom Hanks in scenes with John Lennon, John F. Kennedy and many more. This Oscar-winning screenplay calls for these scenes to occur so Forrest Gump can trivialize the great leaders and creative minds of the 60’s and 70’s. He’s thrown into historic occurrences as well for the same reason. It’s not enough the makers of this film kick its viewers in the groin, they make sure and leave no stone unturned. Forrest Gump was the inspiration for Elvis Presley’s dance moves and John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Not only that, this bumbling buffoon influenced and inspired lots and lots of people to do things. He was also the one who reported the Watergate break in that led to the impeachment of Richard Nixon. Forrest was there when George Wallace was trying to stop integration of a school on television in the 60s. He also has the only shrimp boat that survives Hurricane Carmen in 1974. Not only am I not amused at poking fun at tragic events and historic figures, this has already been done before anyway. Zemeckis had Michael J. Fox be the inspiration for legendary rock’n’roller Chuck Berry in “Back to the Future.” Not to mention certain 80’s television shows called “Voyagers!” and “Quantum Leap” which featured time travelers fixing problems of the past. Sure, I may have liked it on “Quantum Leap” when Sam – a scientist - told Buddy Holly to change the lyrics to “Piggy Sue” to “Peggy Sue,” but that’s not the same thing as a complete idiot inspiring a former member of The Beatles to write a historic song about no war, no religion and a brotherhood man.

So it got me to thinking about a sequel picking up where this film stopped. “Forrest Gump 2: Still Running” would be even bigger than the first one because even the younger audiences would get all the references. Let’s do the movie just as insensitive and offensive as the first. We have him be in the Middle East Wars. We have him create the internet with Al Gore. He also comes up with the phrases “You Can’t Touch This” and “Too Legit to Quit.” And I have a lot of other ideas, so I am going to throw a few more out there. Forrest is the real killer O.J. has been looking for. He invented crack. Forrest was there working the camera for both the Paris Hilton sex tape and the Rodney King tape. He started the Los Angeles riots when they wouldn’t give him his Rodney King tape back. Forrest knows where Osama Bin Laden’s hiding. He hit Nancy Kerrigan in the knee. Forrest knows what happened to Chandra Levy. Bill Clinton, Mike Tyson, Kobe Bryant, R. Kelly and Michael Jackson all took sexual misconduct falls for Forrest. John Doe #2 was Forrest. Perhaps Forrest drove a tank into a certain structure full of people in Waco, Texas. Or Forrest may have driven a plane into a real tall building. He may have more recently had something to do with a broken levee.

Let me switch gears back to “Dead Presidents.” I was talking about that movie too, remember? I will admit “Dead Presidents is a choppy film and it would have been a lot stronger with another hour added to it. But the transitions it needs to get you from little naive high school senior Anthony to the rage filled criminal at the end of the film are there. The movie does feel like pieces as opposed to a whole with stronger points here and there. I still think it is powerful cinema with a believable and sympathic view of what can happen to someone that is trained to kill and then patted on the back and told, “Thanks for doing your duty. Good luck. Now just go back to your little life and forget about everything that just happened.” The Hughes Brothers did a very admirable job and Larenz Tate is solid as he usually is. I especially loved the scene where Juanita and Anthony have their falling out. It is done in one take and follows the actors through several rooms. It was very reminecsint of a scene in “Malcolm X” that I thought was great as well. In fact from that scene on, “Dead Presidents” is quite strong.

I feel the film shows just because you want to do what’s right and just because you try your best, sometimes there are so many odds stacked against you that it seems impossible for you to ever make it. It’s a powerful tale because it shows you’ve got to push through the hard times. It’s a tragedy with a hero that can’t overcome the unfair obstacles of life. If you give up and give in like Anthony, you will end up doing things you’ll regret. You’ll end up locked away from the world or you could end up dead. Life isn’t easy. But when your world is bleak, you just have to do what you can to make it through. Where you are today is not where you will be in ten years. If where you are is the same as where you were ten years before and it’s not where you want to be, take small positive steps in the direction you want to go. You will not get there over night. And if you never do get there, at least you tried.

If I was writing for a conspiracy website I’d go on and on about how “Forrest Gump” is a racist movie. The story says everything will be alright as long as you are white. The film has the thinking that a white male can do anything he sets his mind to. If he doesn’t have a mind, that doesn’t matter. Fate looks out for the white race. What year was this filth made? The first clip early on in the film is of the Ku Klux Klan. Forrest said he is named after an early organizer of the KKK. Later in the film, Forrest gets rich off a black man’s (Bubba) idea (shrimping) just like Elvis (rock and roll). But I won’t go that far and say the makers of this film intended it to come out that way. I do feel it is extremely insensitive and demeaning. The strange thing is I thought people didn’t like to be offended. Why the hell is this so highly acclaimed and make lots of people rich?

Maybe the makers of “Forrest Gump” didn’t realize it could be seen as racist. I’m sure they wanted it to have universal appeal. The more appeal a film has, the more money it will rake in. Obviosly, audiences saw something in it that I didn’t. When I watch it I get the feeling the makers of the film have never struggled. I feel they never had to overcome anything. Maybe that’s what people want to believe. They hope they too can stumble through life, run away from their troubles and be happy with wherever they end up. Along the way, all their money troubles will take care of themselves.

If that was the case there wouldn’t be any Anthonys. Oddly, the world is filled with them, but not a single Forrest Gump. So keep your Forrest Gump. Go jogging across the country with him and maybe he will help you invent a new alphabet or something. I’m going to wait here and shoot some pool with Anthony and make sure he doesn’t try any other crazy plans.

- CCF, March 2006