“FEEDING THE MASSES” (2005)

Starring: Billy Gaberina, Rachel Morris, Patrick Cohen & Michael Propster
Written by Trent Haaga
Directed by Richard Griffin
Shock-O-Rama Cinema

Polly Staffle Rating: **

In Richard Griffin’s “Feeding the Masses” the government and the media try to cover up an epidemic situation that is destroying the lives of individuals daily. No, this isn’t a documentary, it’s a zombie film. There is an airborne virus spreading through the streets of Rhode Island that causes the dead to be reanimated and feast on the living. More true to life is the fact television is feeding everyone lies and brainwashing them into unquestioning zombies. This Trent Haaga script has social commentary as brilliant as George Romero’s original “Night of the Living Dead,” but overall bad acting and a few poorly written comedic scenes hold the film back from being as good.

With whatever budget Romeo had for “Land of the Dead,” Griffin could have made a masterpiece. Instead of having the likes of Simon Baker, Asia Argento and Dennis Hopper, “Feeding the Masses” stars a bunch of nobodies who seem to be doing bad imitations of real actors. I usually don’t have a problem with bad acting, but for some reason this didn’t come off as campy. This cast annoyed me. I just wanted to grab these people and shake them. There’s Billy Gaberina as Channel 5 cameraman Torch, who is so over the top he makes Jim Carey at his most hyper seem like he’s on downers. His crew is made up of anchorwoman Shelly, played by Rachel Morris, and their military escort Roger, played by Patrick Cohen, who tries his best to be a tough little guy a la Ed Norton in “American History X.” Morris isn’t as bad as Gaberina or Cohen in my opinion, although a hilarious review by atliens81 on the Internet Movie Database said “you could go to your local grocery store on a Sunday afternoon and easily find 50 more qualified better looking possible leading ladies.” The rest of the cast is weak as well with the living characters coming off creepier than the dead ones.

We soon learn the virus has now begun to take the lives of the living, preying on the weak, but you won’t hear that from the primetime newscast. They prefer to tell you everything is okay. Go about your normal lives, the virus isn’t spreading, but lessening and because of the zombies, the unemployment rate will go down. Torch, Shelly and Roger hit the streets to broadcast the truth. It’s not because they are looking out for the good of mankind. They all have their hidden agendas just like the government. Theirs are just on a smaller scale. Shelly wants to break that one great story that will propel her from local talking head to being the next Diane Sawyer. Torch wants to get great footage that will live on after he is dead, so even if he isn’t remembered, his images will be. Roger just wants to get into Shelly’s pants and possible pull a B.T.K. or Ted Bundy on her.

Will any of these things happen or will flesh eating zombies wipe out the human race? You’ll just have to watch and find out. Along the way you will be treated to a number of witty satirical moments. When the mayor calls a “business as usual” press conference to explain downtown is fine and open to the public, a television is brought out in front of city hall and placed on a table so camera crews can film the speech which is being given at an undisclosed location. A hilarious television commercial advertises the service of reclaiming and killing your zombified loved ones in the most humane manner, so they can be reburied or cremated. When a newscaster is killed and eaten in the line of duty, the news station makes sure to save the footage to use in an on air remembrance piece.

There’s also a scene that takes the concept of “snuff filmmaking” to a whole new level. What starts out to seem like a man taking pleasure in watching a stripper in a peep show booth turns out to be him getting off to seeing her die. He masturbates as she slowly undresses and at the moment he is ready to climax, he pushes a button that opens a door and releases a blood thirty zombie to rip her to shreds. “Feeding the Masses” might be lacking in the acting department, but this is the kind of scene “Land of the Dead” was missing.

Though it might not seem like it, I don’t fully blame the cast. As I said earlier there are a couple of attempts at humor here that really don’t fit and come off extremely forced. One is a “Dude!” exchange and the other is a scene with Torch beating up a stoner zombie for his weed. I felt like I was watching “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” or “Dude, Where’s My Car?” during these moments and it really took any suspense or terror momentum that may have been building completely out of the film. Really, it kind of seems like they used a first draft screenplay to shoot “Feeding the Masses.” A little tightening here and there and you’ve possibly got one of the best zombie screenplays ever.

This brings me to my final point. Where the hell were the zombies? I needed more of them. There are a couple of great scenes featuring them, but when it was all said and done I wanted a bit more moments of them chomping on helpless members of society and terrorizing our hypocritical ways of life. This zombie of a film was able to get his teeth deeper into my skin than plenty of recent movies in this genre, but I was hoping it would take an arm or a leg off and leave me lying in the middle of the road, waiting to be reanimated.

- CCF, May 2006