“TRANSFORMED” (2006)

Starring: Leigh Jacobs, Pamela Sutch, Matthew Jacobs, Leonard Sragow, Marilyn Kapla & Monica Mornee
Written by Pamela Sutch & Matthew Jacobs
Directed by Pamela Sutch
Siren Tales Productions

Polly Staffle Rating: ****

Hilda has a machine that lets her be young forever. Don’t get too excited as she hasn’t exactly perfected her fountain of youth in the low budget Pamela Sutch film “Transformed.” Once the body Hilda is in gets too old, she swaps with someone younger. Something happens during her most recent body swap though and instead of transforming from the old crusty woman that looks like she’s straight of a John Waters film into the young sexy brunette April, she ends up becoming a man. You see, the body Hilda takes over belongs to Alan who just happened to be passing by. April, whose body was stolen by Hilda, takes on the body of the old woman and dies, leaving Alan to become a sexy woman.

In the wrong hands, “Transformed” could have been a disaster. Luckily Sutch knows what she’s doing and is able to weave a number of genres into one. There’s some goofball, borderline slapstick here with Hilda’s bumbling idiot goons that are like a cross between “The Three Stooges” and the droogs in “A Clockwork Orange.” There’s the cautionary tale of being careful what you wish for. There’s the whole science fiction element complete with cheesy special effects and also cool transformation effects like the Michael Jackson “Black or White” video. For good measure, Sutch throws in some fight scenes to show off her skills perfected with nearly a decade of background in karate and Northern Shaulin Kung Fu. There’s also a weird little love story that’s unlike any I’ve seen before that left me scratching my head and laughing at its outrageousness. Best of all there’s the whole storyline of a man transformed into a woman’s body and a woman becoming a man, giving us a number of things to think about such as identity theft, sexuality, individuality, the cycle of life and our society’s obsession with trying to stay young. Some how it all works. That’s right, what you have here is a good sci-fi transgender, mad scientist martial arts romantic dark comedy with deep social commentary.

The screenplay was written by Sutch and Matthew Jacobs. Sutch directed, produced and also took care of most of the film’s cinematography and editing, which are both done quite well. She plays the seemingly good scientist with her own hidden agenda, slash karate hottie named Vanessa. Sutch is like Cynthia Rothrock meets Rebecca DeMornay in “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle” and her character is hot on the trail of the evil Hilda, offering up cash and “something extra” to those that will help her. Matthew plays Alan and Hilda in Alan’s body, who prefers to be called Hellwood. He gets to show off some of his fighting skills and is solid in the acting department as well with an almost Shakespearean flair. Matthew also contributed music and built the transformation machine. Needless to say, these two have gotten my attention and I’d definitely like to see more collaborations from the duo.

But one big ingredient to making the film work is the newcomer Leigh Jacobs as Alan in April’s body. Some of the film’s better scenes are her alone. It doesn’t exactly seem easy to pull off being a man trapped inside a female’s skin but Leigh does it with ease. She never lets the film veer too far into parody or cliché stereotypes. Simple moments such as Alan standing in the mirror exploring his new feminine side seem quite realistic. Sure most guys would go way further than Alan does, but this isn’t a porno. Alan also finds himself learning to put on makeup, walking in heels, as well as contemplating issues like which restroom to use as he tries to find his new identity as a woman. Leigh brilliantly shows us anxiety and terror, mostly with facial expressions alone as Alan goes awhile without talking due to being in a state of shock and confusion. He later has to figure out whether his sexual appetite now should be for men or women. If he chooses women, does that make him a lesbian and if he chooses men does that make him gay? Sure, Alan’s acceptance of his new self seems to come rather quickly, but I was still able to buy into his emotional transformation with the way Leigh plays it off.

One day while reading “Swamp Zombie” at a comic book store, Alan is asked out by an elderly man named Carl (Leonard Sragow). At first Alan resists, but soon learns that his new body as a woman can get him things like free comics if he plays along. So Alan decides to go out with Carl. Here’s where the romance comes in. Yes, Alan in a female body falls in love with the elderly straight man, who is old enough to be his grandfather. The love story is actually one of the weaker elements of the movie. I wish it had been explored a bit more. Had a stronger connection with these two been shown, then the film’s finale would have played out better. But we are talking about an 80-minute movie that needs to get to other things like Pamela Sutch kicking some ass in skimpy outfits and a girl-on-girl, hair-pulling showdown between her and Leigh.

I would actually be all for a sequel to find out what happens to Alan and his new life. Before the transformation, he was a down-on-his-luck loser. Alan got drunk all day and buried his head in comic books to kill the pain of his life that included an abusive gold digging wife that cared more about her finger nails than she did him. To show you the brilliance of Sutch’s direction, the actress playing the role of Alan’s wife has a very thick accent. Sutch embraces it by letting the character slip in and out of English and treats the audience to subtitles in the film’s opening scene. So instead of it taking away from what’s going on and frustrating viewers, it plays for laughs.

Other highlights of the film include a funny exchange between Mark Tambone and Michael Leiberman that reminded me of dialogue penned by Kevin Smith or Quentin Tarantino. The two actors are barely in the film and in any other movie would have probably come and gone unnoticed, but here Sutch has them carry out a conversation on fried chicken, which part of a woman they would take with them to a deserted island and why the ability to be invisible tops all other super hero powers.

Sutch has a couple of pretty good scenes here as well. At one point, her character Vanessa is looking in the mirror in a “who’s the fairest of them all” kind of way, while listening to a radio commercial about anti-aging creme. Evidently, she decides her body is getting too old and she hits up a local strip club in search of one that’s younger to transform into. When the dancer (Monica Mornee) refuses the advances, Vanessa tries to knock her out to kidnap her, but inadvertently hits a pressure point and kills the stripper.

Having never seen a Siren Tales Production, “Transformed” has made me an instant fan. It’s pretty damn special and has me ready to watch anything Sutch releases. Prior to this I had only seen her in “Dead Body Man 2: Separation Anxiety,” but she’s been in a ton of stuff. Sutch currently is starring with Darian Caine in the Killer Wolf Films production “Curse of the Wolf,” a best horror feature winner at this year’s Great Lakes Film Festival that is playing the Eerie Horror Fest on October 8.

When I prodded the scream queen to find out what the budget for “Transformed” was, she basically said it didn’t have one. “The only budget was me with my equipment, software and knowledge from working full time in production for a living,” said Sutch, who shot the film with a Canon Xl1 and edited it on a Mac with Final Cut Pro. “You can go a long way when you know what you’re doing with the camera. I’m always learning more. Especially from working with other people.”

But viewing this film as a no-budget feature is a bit misleading. Especially when you consider Sutch didn’t have to pay herself and the cast is all friends of hers. Matthew is her martial arts instructor at Peter Kwoks Kung Hu Academy in Emerson, N.J., which was used as a location. He also happens to be married to Leigh and footage from their actual wedding was used in the film. “Everyone donated their time for this,” said Sutch. “The other locations that we managed to get were also through people we knew. Matt and Leigh were a great help in every way.”

During Alan and Carl’s coffee date before their romance has fully bloomed, the Colonel Sanders-esque wise old man gives a Christopher Walken speech about not understanding society. “I feel like an alien,” Carl says. “Sometimes I wish I were an alien. Then I would go back to whatever planet I came from and leave this crazy one behind.” Though most of us feel exactly like Carl sometimes, we must all remember that no matter where we go, no matter how much we age and no matter how many changes we make to our outward appearance, we are and always will be the same person. It’s up to us to make the best of our situations. That’s exactly what Alan does in the world Sutch has created on screen and it’s also what Sutch has done off screen in bringing “Transformed” to life.

-CCF, October 2006