“SHOOT KILL DIE” (2006)

Directed by Billy Payne
PB Films

Polly Staffle Rating: **

Many do not see paintball as a sport. This is despite the fact it takes more physical ability than golf, bowling and most motor sports put together. These athletes do more than just play a combination of the childhood games hide-and-seek, capture the flag and water gun war. These guys must run, tumble, slide, dive and dodge, while attentively keeping an eye on their opponent. Some could try and argue the game’s kill or be killed objective is too war-like and teaches violence. I don’t buy that argument The fact the flash in the pan Ultimate Fighting Championship circuit moves to the mainstream more and more each day and is as barbaric a sport as any ever was with guys simply beating the crap out of each other for the approval of fans also shoots that down. I'm also not exactly sure why the government hasn’t jumped on the bandwagon and tried to incorporate the sport into our school districts.

After watching the PB Films video release “Shoot Kill Die” I finally figured out why paintball, despite the attempts of ESPN, is not considered a sport and probably never will be – it’s simply not visual enough. I expected to be blown away by “Shoot Kill Die.” The DVD menu proclaims “Paintball is the world’s greatest drug. Ready for another hit?” That and the thought of footage of guns blazing and paint splattering set to heavy and loud bands with names like DopeSick, ROTT and Dead 50’s had me fired up to give this production a watch. Sadly, it didn’t quite meet my expectations.

Don’t get me wrong, it is a well produced video and perfect for those that are interested in the sport. The DVD features essentially 15 music videos using footage from various tournaments. The editing is good with the use of graphics, freeze frames and killer slow motion and the music picked for the release is great, matching perfectly to the sport. There are even a few really solid standout songs like ENDO’s “Loaded,” DopeSick’s “Angel Down” and their remake of The Cure’s “Just Like Heaven.”

But something was missing. Then it hit me, most of the visual imagery is redundant and not that engaging. We as viewers are so used to seeing messy splashes of blood when someone is shot in movies and here it’s really hard to tell when a kill is even made. Maybe if the shooters acted out a bit and fell over when shot it would add a little, but to tell the truth they probably have no idea when they are hit. That’s why referees are needed, so they can come over and look players up and down to see if they are out of the game. The other thing is most of the time the gunmen just keep their fingers on their triggers. So instead of smart tactics coming into play with hunters waiting for the perfect shot of their prey, they are firing rapidly hoping to hit something.

Don’t worry, I’ve come up with a few ideas, not just for a cooler video production, but ones that will improve the sport’s overall vibe and give it more of a cinematic look. The first element is what I call the gore effect. All paint used should be red. Get rid of this yellow, purple and orange crap. It’s too cartoony and it doesn’t do anything emotionally. People, especially men, love to see blood. It’s embedded into our sick and twisted minds and goes back to the days when we actually had to hunt and kill in order to eat, so do what movies do and give us the next best thing – fake blood. Lots and lots of red fake blood.

To really help the blood effect, get rid of all the different colored team uniforms. Everybody should be decked out in white from head to toe – think “Star Wars” Stormtroppers with jersey numbers and names on their backs. There shouldn’t even be teams anyway. This should be each man for himself. Players should all be wearing wireless microphones/walkie talkies with the ability to communicate with each other. They have the option of making alliances throughout the game, but eventually the players have to turn on each other.

Not only should the uniforms be white, the entire course should be white – think “Empire Strikes Back.” White Astroturf or even fake snow would work. There should also be various obstacles, trenches and a moat in the middle that has to be crossed. As for the weapons, no more of this trigger-happy action. The firearms shouldn’t be big clunky machines guns. Players should have the choice of going either John Woo-loose cannon style with two small pistols that fire rapidly, but only carry six rounds at a time or Luc Besson-professional assassin style with a sniper weapon that shoots once at a time, but has a bigger bullet that makes a bigger splash. This will make players think before they shoot and allow for different styles of play.

The other big element paintball needs is sex appeal – think “Return of the Jedi.” No, not the Ewoks, I’m talking about Princess Leia in her skimpy slave outfit. Like the first two movies in George Lucas’ original trilogy, this game doesn’t have any sexuality. Various shots of female fans on “Shoot Kill Die” is nothing more than a cheesy attempt at adding any. So what can be done? How about adding some cheerleaders? No they couldn’t be typical team sport cheerleaders since this is everyone against everyone, but how about dancing and cheering hot chicks behind Plexiglas standing on dunking booth platforms that dump them into water in strategic places on the course. The dunking booths can be set off on purpose or accidentally throughout the game with paintballs. (By the way, whatever happened to dunking booths? I haven’t seen one in a long time).

Now, without any of the crap I’ve mentioned ever making its way into the sport, PB Films could still give its viewers a bit more excitement. I felt filmmakers Billy (director, producer and photographer) and Amanda Payne (sound mastering and music) did the best they could with what the sport offers. But what could have kicked the release up a notch though would have been to add some quick shots of nudity like “Backyard Wrestling” and various other homegrown-type releases. It’s completely understandable that they didn’t because they probably wanted to present paintball as a legit sport, which brings me to my closing.

No matter what anyone says, paintball is a sport. The reason it’s not covered in your local newspaper’s sports section has nothing to do with that fact. The truth is, it’s not a spectator sport and it’s not for rich retired men to watch and try their hand at either. Since it just doesn’t translate well visually and old farts with money to burn have no interest in it, paintball is never going to get the commercial backing other established sports have. Without those two things, it will continue to be the frowned upon neglected stepchild it is today, no matter how many people play it. So let’s liven it up a bit, make it more theatrical and completely cater the sport to its niche audience of blood thirsty horn dogs.