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PREDICTING THE NIGHT OF THE OSCARS

BEST ACTRESS

The Nominees:
Penélope Cruz in “Volver”
Judi Dench in “Notes on a Scandal”
Helen Mirren in “The Queen”
Meryl Streep in “The Devil Wears Prada”
Kate Winslet in “Little Children”

CCF: Isn’t Judi Dench, Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren nominated every year? Some body over at the Academy got a hard on for these actresses? Sure they’re hot babes, but come on. Kate Winslet is always top notch, so she gets my vote. I got one question though - where the hell is Ellen Page for “Hard Candy”?

OS: I agree with you that Ellen Page should have been up there. Her performance was incredible in “Hard Candy.” Gretchen Moll, my personal choice for a winner, should have been there as well for her portrayal of Bettie Page. Also, nominate Carice Van Houten for “Black Book” Now that would be interesting!

JRH: With the except of Judi Dench, we do indeed have many fine-looking women on this list. Without even thinking about this I will immediately give it to Helen Mirren because she is for me this big-titted goddess who is going to live forever. Did you ever see her nude scenes in “Cal” or “Hussy,” not to mention “Caligula”? She’s going to live forever. I suppose she couldn’t do any nude scenes in “The Queen” but her skin looks really nice and stone-white on those posters. That’s a big turn-on, older women with faces as white as cadavers.

ARROW IN THE HEAD: Kate Winslet hands down. She excels in every film she does and looks like a “real” woman as opposed to the many cocaine-fueled rakes on two legs that pose as her peers. Too bad she’s married! I would’ve cut off my left nut for an “ice cream” date with that gal! Real women are rare man. As for where Ellen Page is? Isn’t she still in Kindergarten? I think its naptime right now.

SHANE: Yeah, Ellen Page is jailbait, the Academy can’t fess up to that now! Kate Winslet just needs to finally get an award. Wait, she hasn’t won yet, has she?. Yeah, Meryl Streep’s great, but we know that already, they need to lay the fuck off for once. I mean, if it were any other actress, would you ever see a movie like “Devil” even get an Oscar nod? Exactly! What a crock of shit. I enjoyed Judi Dench in “Scandal” and Penelope’s tit’s in “Open Your Eyes,” oh wait, I didn’t see “Volver.” But I’m guessing it’s going to the fucking Queen. Should be going to Kate Winslet though, I like her tits too in “Little Children”, and in “Titanic,” “Hideous Kinky,” “Iris,” “Holy Smoke” – shit – we just need to nominate Kate’s tits for the award.

SOCIALITE’S LIFE: Gonna say Helen Mirren, even though I thought Meryl Streep totally kicked ass.

CCF: So you disagree with Shane on Meryl Streep? You got to admit it was a fairly weak film.

SOCIALITE’S LIFE: Meryl did have AMAZING hair though, and that makes her a winner in my eyes because yes, I’m just that superficial.

CCF: (LOL) Despite the great hair of Meryl Streep and the snow white face of Helen Mirren, the fifth time is the charm for the actress that once played a character named Bitsey Bloom in “The Life of David Gale.” Best Actress Pick: KATE WINSLET.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS

The Nominees:
Adriana Barraza in “Babel”
Cate Blanchett in “Notes on a Scandal”
Abigail Breslin in “Little Miss Sunshine”
Jennifer Hudson in “Dreamgirls”
Rinko Kikuchi in “Babel”

CCF: Who gets your pick? The “American Idol” reject? A little kid in a fat suit? Couldn’t they have given a real chubby kid a chance at the “Little Miss Sunshine” role? The two “Babels” cross out each other, so it looks like I’m with Cate Blanchett on this one.

ARROWIN THE HEAD: I’m with ya man! Actually, Cate Blanchett should win one Oscar a year for being one of the top actresses working today. She’s the definition of a well-rounded actress. She’s got stellar acting chops, hot looks, a sexy accent and a sweet round ass to boot! What’s not to love! If she doesn’t get the Oscar, she should find comfort in knowing that she already won the Oscar that resides in my pants.

SHANE: Well, when I saw “Dreamgirls” it was pretty wild. I was just at a regular movie theater, nowhere special, and the audience just cheered on Jennifer Hudon, as if it were a real concert. Pretty cool, I thought. But I had no idea who she was because I stay away from “American Idol” and all those dumb-fuck reality shows. So, I think she has a go, but she’s too new, can’t let her off that easily. And I never thought about the “Little Miss Sunshine” deal. Great point. It’s hard enough for chubby girls to even have a role available, and when there finally is - a skinny girl gets it! WTF?! So, just on principle, take that off the list. Good up-and-coming actress, perhaps, but that’s just wrong. Cate is definitely worthy, who wouldn’t want to fuck her if she were your teacher and you were a 15 year old boy? But my heart goes out to Rinko Kikuchi, the only reason worth purchasing the “Babel” DVD. I can freeze frame all her nudity! Yes, score for me. Oh yeah, plus she was the best part about the film, even with her clothes on. I found her character the most interesting. I really felt bad for her. Fuck Brad Pitt and his dying wife, though that sucks too. Maybe it’s because I had no idea who she was versus the star power of Brad and Cate, so I could really identify with Kikuchi’s character. I had deaf babysitters and friends as a kid, and was much like her in school. Not because of my hearing of course, but because of being bullied, so I just really felt for her as she played it off wonderfully. Then to find she was way too old for the part and looked nothing like her character in real-life just proved even more, wow, what a great performance! Go Rinko! Barraza was really good too, but the dumb-fuck business men behind us wouldn’t shut the fuck up and were constantly making fun of her character, regardless of everybody in the theatre yelling at them to zip their goddamn trap, so that part of the film was kinda killed for me.

CCF: (LOL) Sorry about the business men that screwed that part of the film. It was probably Academy voters… What do you say John?

JRH: Here we’ve got some more pretty girls. I give it to Cate Blanchett too because her face is really white in most of the films she plays in.

OREN: My pick goes to Cate Blanchett as well. Not because I’ve seen any of these films, but because she is one of the best actresses around. Whatever award they want to give her, she deserves. Let’s also nominate Mia Kirshner for “The Black Dahlia”... Please...... That’s my pick, but realistically, Jennifer Hudson wins.

SOCIALITE’S LIFE: Totally throwing names in a hat. And the winner is…Cate Blanchett, according to my totally scientific prediction.

CCF: (LOL) I like that… Science always wins, so here’s Oscar number two, plus a special Oscar from John Fallon after the show. Supporting Actress Pick: CATE BLANCHETT.

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