HARDWARE

Special to PollyStaffle.com

With this goofy Wacky World of William Wheaton review blog idea of Chad Freeman’s, I’ve done primarily reviews of two kinds of films, more then any other. I have used this forum for reviewing absurd horror sequels some of which where only released straight to video (Ghoulies 3 and 4, Halloween 3, Troll 2) and resuscitating 70’s grindhouse bizarre pornography or “erotica” that probably should have been left to die. I’m probably just as inspired by, if not more so, nihilistic cyberpunk films. The problem with that is that there’s a whole body of writing on Aliens and Blade Runner already in existence. Oh well. That leaves Hardware, released in some countries as Mark 13.

Ah yes, Hardware from back in 1990. Twenty years later, I only vaguely recalled the film being advertised on MTV when I was about 12. I wanted to see it, but only saw it for the first time just now. Twenty years later, it feels more futuristic then any recent film. That makes sense though, first of all CGI has taken special effects backwards as that it always just looks like CGI. There was a lot of attention to technology back then, as we may remember from the relative mainstream popularity of the publication Mondo 2000. It featured articles on computer hacking and gothic/industrial bands, which had a very utopian understanding of the new machines and drugs.

Hardware is based on one of the more plausible horror film concepts - an AI machine for combat that can rebuild itself and has the problem that moisture and water will screw it up. just like spilling water in your computer will. Makes sense to me. Speaking of Mondo 2000, the killer robot thing in this film has psychedelic venom and does a whole psychedelic sequence using early CGI fractal images! If your about my age you might remember that shit in Mondo 2000 and elsewhere when there was a resurgence of LSD in the early 90s and head shops and such had psychedelic fractal posters and shit like that.

Shit, that was a long time ago. And I still don’t have my life together. Fuck!

Also, appropriate to the time period, the soundtrack has snippets of excellent gothic/industrial, metal and punk, and features cameos by Lemmy from Motorhead, Iggy Pop, no introductions needed there, and even the dude from Fields of the Nephilim, perhaps the best of the cowboy hat wearing gothic bands. You’re probably not going to get a new horror film in our life times with a great soundtrack quite like that. Tom Anderson’s little social networking empire, digital film, CGI and American Apparel’s financial sponsorship of hipster music publications, have lowered the bar both on young bands and on horror cinema. I should stress that it is not my intention for you to become angry about this: there is more then enough in the way of older bands and films to revisit, and your buddy William Wheaton is here to help. Old art recycled can feel as new - or newer - then bad present day art.

The basic plotline is simple: Scavengers in the radioactive waste of a post-nuclear war society find a bunch of weird bunch of metal. The one dude’s girlfriend is into making metal sculpture, so he brings it home as a Christmas present. Surprise, it’s a killer robot! The metal sculpture built out of the pieces comes alive, kills a bunch of characters, and in the end is killed with water.

It’s got a creepy government conspiracy element to it as well because the film suggests the robots are created by the military to kill off excess population. Stage design for this film is beautiful and the soundtrack is amazing. I don’t think the film ever did very well. Too bad, it’s a good film, sexy actress, scary as fuck.

- William Wheaton, June 2010

For more from Wheaton, visit The Wacky World of William Wheaton on Facebook.